Does an injury make you a "real runner"?

Have you ever worked so hard for something and had something out of your control take it away from you? That's what I'm dealing with right now. I managed to injure my knees. It started in the left knee and has somehow migrated into the right knee. What all of this means is that when I run, my knee hurts. When I walk up and down stairs my knee hurts. When I sit and stand my knee hurts. Now I've been going to physio for at least a month twice a week (thanks Cesar at Ossington Chiro- highly recommend them!!!!)...basically I drop off my pay cheque there...and this is not a muscle pain. When I last saw Cesar he taped me up (I had no idea how fashionable blue KT tape was) and said it sounded like I had tendinitis in my right knee from overcompensating for my left. From my research, the only way to make it go away is to rest...so now I'm left with some decisions. 

On Sunday, with the blessing of my physiotherapist, I went on my last long training run before my big race- the Mississauga Half on May 1st. I was excited to do this last run along the Humber River, with my friends and know that I was ready for the half. Unfortunately my knee decided it wasn't into it. Anytime I went over a bump or up or down a hill it felt like it was giving out. I knew something was wrong when multiple people- roughly 8- stopped me and encouraged me to keep going. Normally this doesn't bug me but I knew something was up on Sunday when they stopped me. Luckily my friend had stopped to take a photo and I kept going. When she caught up to me I mentioned that all these people were stopping me and she said, "you look like you're running in pain. You aren't looking like it's easy today". And she was right. I wasn't in pain but my body wasn't flowing through the movement like it normally does. My body was not happy. 

The absolute worst part of the entire run was being 2 blocks away from the store and my knee feeling like it was giving out. Literally around the corner from where I was meeting my friends. I shook it out because I didn't want to be the LAST person to finish the training run AND be walking back to the store. In my mind, talk about being weak! 

When the run was finished and we went out for celebratory brunch and mimosa's (picture me, drink in hand and an ice pack on my knee) I couldn't help but question if this pain was worth it. Why am I putting myself in a position where walking up and down stairs is difficult and my body is sore? I woke up today with pain in the lower right area of my back- because my body was not interested in running 20km. What today told me was that I didn't listen to my body on Sunday. 

I have made a decision to not run the race on May 1st that I've been training for. Do I want to limp across a finish line potentially doing real damage to my knee? Not particularly. I want to finish strong and without pain, running and smiling. What sealed the decision was an email from one of my coaches saying she noticed that I looked like I was in pain on Sunday and I really should rest it. 

That was a really difficult decision to make knowing that it's still roughly 2 weeks away, but my body just can't run it. I have been some kind of mess knowing I can't run. I sobbed yesterday knowing how hard it is on my body. And writing this isn't easy- it's making me feel all kinds of things- sadness, anger, frustration, fear...the unknown. 

The frustration I'm feeling right now can't be described. I'm angry at my body for not being able to handle more. I'm upset with myself for all of the things I could've/should've/would've done. And I'm sad that I'm missing out on being able to do something that I've worked hard for. 

I know what so many people will say (because so many of you have said it already)...it's better you rest it now so you don't do permanent damage...which I agree with. I don't want knee replacements- I'm 26 for heavens sake! But I'm trying to wrap my head around my (mostly) healthy 26 year old body not being able to handle something that it's been worked to do over the last year and more intensely over the last 14 weeks. 

There is so much going through my mind with regards to my running future. Will I be able to run again? Will I want to run again? Will I be scared to run when I'm given the ok? Is there more serious damage done than I expect? (Don't worry everyone I'm trying to make a doctors appointment to get it checked out) there are so many questions, possibilities and variables going through my head and it's so overwhelming. I can't make decisions about workouts because I'm scared to make anything worse, but I also know that I need to keep up my muscle and building more so I have a better chance at running again. 

I'm not sure where to go from here but hopefully wherever it is, I can run again...

Elite fun!

This week was ridiculously exciting...for a couple reasons! 

On Thursday I was invited through work to a big event at Canada Running Series announcing an elite runner who just registered for the marathon. So naturally my wonderful sister let me skip her welcome home dinner for this once in a lifetime opportunity and I'm so grateful she did! 

At the event, they officially announced Lanni Merchant as having entered the marathon! Unbelievably exciting! And I got to meet her! She is so sweet and humble and kind...and quick. I was running with my boss and everyone else, and off they went, leaving me way behind...which normally I am ok with, who cares about being last, I'm still doing it...but in front of Lanni, you don't want to be last. Anyways, we did a 5k run (easy for everyone else, most definitely a tempo run for this girl) and got some awesome photos...check em out ya'll! 

This photo made it into the Canada Running Series newsletter! 

Night Race!

I did a race...and oh boy was it a treat! 

My friend came in from Guelph for the weekend for birthday celebrations and it was a blast but oh boy did it affect my race. 

The race was on Saturday night, which sounds like it would be fun. You have to wear a head lamp which pretty much just makes for awesome photos but makes you feel utterly ridiculous. 

As you can see...ridiculous, but it made for a great photo! 

The race was interesting...I'm discovering more about races and what I value in them and what I don't. I definitely value an interesting course because that was easily the most boring course I've ever done. I don't recommend it unless you are doing it with a friend. 

I was lucky enough to have my amazing cheering squad looking for "the skinny one in yellow"...I love them both. I loved the McDonald's we got at the end just as much. 

My time on this race was pretty amazing. The first 10k I ever did I was 8 seconds slower and it was entirely down hill. I did the night race in 1:04:12 and it was totally flat. This does tell me that I've likely increased my speed because downhill races are not an accurate telling of my real time! 

Alas, onto the next races! 

Also...check the photo bomb...we're so good

I am more than my body

Yesterday a man decided to pass a judgement about my body. I was waking home from the gym, minding my own business and this man thought that mumbling under his breathe that I should go to the gym and exercise, and proceed to call me a fat ass was such a great idea. Well I am here to tell you that it was not such a great idea. I don't know who this man is, I'm sure he has many an issue and I sincerely hope I never see him again. 

I am here to tell you that I am more than my body. I am more than a number associated with how my body looks. And I am most definitely not alive to impress you, or anyone for that matter. 

I wish I could say that what this man said went in one ear and out the other but I can't. It stung, it was hurtful, and while in the privacy of my own home I did cry...not for long thanks to the Gardiner fam...I am not going to hide that fact that words hurt. Words hurt a lot. You carry words people say to you everywhere and everyday. As an introvert it also takes me longer to process what people say and takes me even longer to let it go so words tend to stick like glue to me. 

I've always had a hard time wrapping my head around this movement where women go on about their bodies being their bodies. I understood it and where it was coming from, but I've never felt the things some women have, until yesterday. I get it entirely. 

My body is not here for you to judge. My body is mine. Your opinion of it doesn't matter. My body is healthy. The food I put in it fuels my active life style. I make no regrets for the food I put in my body. I run for myself, because I feel accomplished and strong when I do it. I lift weights to build muscle to make myself better. I do these things for me and no one else. I run to maintain my sanity in this ever increasingly insane world. The feminist in me has had enough of men judging my body because they don't feel it's good enough. My body is better than good enough- it is perfect. And it belongs to me. 

One of the reasons I love the running community is that everyone is so supportive of one another. The elites have been in the beginners shoes, they've been in the injured runners shoes, they've been at races with no one and with hundreds of supporters, they've been in the same pain and had the same aches. I have never heard a runner put another runner down. Friendly competition or being excited when you pass another runner whose traditionally faster than you is entirely normal but that doesn't mean you turn around and stick your tongue out at them, instead you pass them and tell them how great they're doing and that they're almost at the end and to keep it up. John Stanton tweeted this today "as a runner you really succeed when you encourage others to succeed and enjoy our great sport!"...if everyone lived by this everyone would be so much happier. 

So if anyone feel like challenging me on being a "fat ass", I would love to spend some time running with you and see how quickly your mind changes. 

Post Wedding Exhaustion

This week has been a blur of amazing things happening.

Let's start with the Scotiabank Marathon. My champions page is up and my fundraising page is up! I would really love it if my friends and family could donate to me and support my run :)

You can find the West Neighbourhood House Champions page here

http://www.torontowaterfrontmarathon.com/en/nc/nc3.htm#charity

From there you can click to my page to donate :) A donation of $10 will mean a charitable tax receipt for you! I'm really excited to be running this race and I'm really looking forward to it.

The second part of this is that two of my oldest and best friends got married on the weekend! I want to say a huge congratulations to Linda and Justin on a lifetime of love and happiness. I was so honoured Linda asked me to be one of her bridesmaids.

In terms of running this totally affected my training over the last couple of weeks...and it's been worth ALL of it. I've missed runs because of her bachelorette party (shout out to the #butternuts) and rehearsal dinner and have zero regrets about any of it. I knew that I didn't want to miss my Sunday long run or 14km...the Sunday after their wedding. So I made a conscience choice to watch how much I drank and left at a semi-reasonable hour and I did my run.

Today's run was stupid crazy. The weather was wonderful (unlike last Sunday when I thought I was going to die from heat) the distance was insane. We were told we were going to run 14km and I figured it  would be 14.5km or something like that...instead it turned out to be 15.89km...and I wish I was joking. The run was luckily beautiful. We ran through a butterfly garden and by the waterfront. We stopped for a group photo...here's one them...check out the view! It was gorgeous!

The exhaustion I'm feeling as I write this is unreal. In the last 3 days I've gotten a total of 12.45 hours of sleep...that's broken down into 4.45 hours on Friday, 6 hours on Saturday night and a 2 hour nap on Sunday. I'm exhausted. My nap wasn't long enough but I had to wake up otherwise there won't be any sleep happening tonight.

Now that I'm home, showered, napped, etc. I'm nursing a headache, aching muscles and sore feet. I also discovered my first real chaffing experience...under my bra strap. As a girl who needs to wear a bra in life...like I have ZERO option in the matter...the chaffing is highly uncomfortable and I'm not sure how to get rid of it or how to protect it. Anyone have any tips?

Lastly, I want to thank my buddy Warren who was also in the wedding yesterday. At the end of the night he was sharing some reasons who people were awesome. I'm so glad that 1) he didn't tell me I'm an inspiration since he's been running for longer than me and 2) that he actually reads these (HI Warren!!!). He also was so genuine in saying he's proud of me. Although I don't see Warren often he's an awesome guy and I'm lucky to have the woman as a friend.

Alright ya'll...keep running, keep strong, keep hydrated and have fun!

It's been a little while...

It's been a little while since my last post, and quite a bit has happened...I'm simply going to make a list and go from there...

1) I got another pair of shoes!

I tried on these shoes a long time ago and fell in love with them. Why I didn't buy them earlier is beyond me. Anyways, I purchased the Brooks Glycerin 13's, with multiple coupons. These shoes are like running on cushions to me. They have so much support, so much structure and are a nice bright colour...apparently running shoes only come in shades of bright these days. I wore them while at the cottage to do all of my training and they were amazing. They held up well on the dirt, gravel, puddles and grass and go me through 20km's of running.

2) I watched the men's and women's Pan Am marathon and was very motivated by them

In terms of Pan Am, the marathon was all that I was invested in. I don't play sports and don't consider myself to be athletic but running is what I love. I watched the women's marathon bright and early with my good buddy Angie (we basically do everything together). We trekked it down to the lakeshore at 6:30am to see women run back and forth in the nastiest humidity. It was so empowering to watch all of these women take on the same roads I'm running, the same hills I train on and beat world records. I has a goal of running a half marathon in 2 hours and 20 minutes...they run entire marathon's in that time! It's insane! Watching their form and see how they push through was truly empowering. Watching the men's marathon was just fun. A few girls from the running room and I all met up, watched the men running, went on a run ourselves and then had a delicious brunch. That was so special because of the bonding we were able to do. That showed me how much of a community the running world is. You show up and support everyone because we all know how their legs are feeling and how hard those runs are.

3) I got injured (yuck)

Yes folks, you read that correctly- I got injured. Now normally I can suck it up and go on with my life but I make an effort to take care of myself, to not over do it, to eat well, get enough sleep (as all my friends can attest to- I will leave just about anything early to go to sleep). I have no idea what I did or how I did it but something on the right side of my ankle started hurting and the pain just got worse and worse. I ended up taking a few days off of everything- I stopped walking a lot, I stopped running, I didn't work out (things were boring, let me tell you). I also got acupuncture for the first time. I would HIGHLY recommend it to anyone who has an injury. The sensation of it was so calming and relaxing but also so healing. I could literally feel the injured part heating up as the blood was going to it. Anyways- the point is that acupuncture and rest work miracles and being injured sucks! 

4) I made running friends!

Like actual running friends- we text and everything. It's seriously makes going on training runs so much better! I missed training a couple weeks back but I got a text from the girls wondering where I was and saying they missed me! The friendships make such a difference. 

5) I've "inspired" people to run

This one I have a hard time wrapping my head around. I have encouraged friends to start running...it's a weird thing because I'm still not sure who encouraged me to run, but oh well! The more the merrier! 

6) I did all of my training on my own- and was very successful at it...

So last week I went away for the long weekend to my cottage and wasn't sure how my training would go, but I managed to do all of my training on my own...and I was very successful! Mind you, I went back to the cottage this weekend for my girls bachelorette and did zero running, ate like a beast and drank like a tank...so who knows what kind of fun this week holds! 

7) The weight loss competition! 

So I won...we assumed! But Angie really won because she got a trainer and is going to kick ass! 

8) HILLS HILLS HILLS!!! 

We started hill training last week and what fresh hell! Whoever came up with hill repeats like torturing people but also wants to build strength. The tension and stress on my calves were intense but damn did it feel good to make it up the hills 3 times! 

Training fumbles

This weeks training has been...interesting to say the least.

I want to start by putting this onto the Internet so she can't get out of this. My friend Angie and I have entered a competition against each other- a weight loss competition. We have decided that whoever loses 5 pounds by July 29th wins! If I win Angie will be making me lunch for a week and take me out for a pedicure! If she wins I will clean her room (which is really just fun for me if we're being honest) and I take her for a pedicure. So bring it on Angie! (And yes, I will let you all know who won!). I went so far as purchasing a fitness tracker, the Jaw Bone UP Move. It's so simple to use, tracks my steps and syncs up with My Fitness Pal, which I'm using to track my food. I will let you know if I have any issues with it, but so far I do recommend it to anyone looking for a fitness tracker!  

So this week has been interesting. I've changed trainers at the gym for a little bit and Monday was a treat. My legs were shaking like never before- but amazingly I wasn't sore. That lactic acid is doing well. No sore muscles= more working out. 

Wednesday I went on a tempo run with the running room. Which, for some reason, I was unbelievably excited about. So off I went- I took off, much faster than my group, and felt great. Until I got lost. I wish I was joking. I was so disoriented on the streets around high park. I've read so many posts about running that says "it's ok to get lost running- you get to learn new neighbourhood!"...as someone who got lost, it's really just embarrassing. Like really embarrassing. Luckily I found a group behind me and they were so sweet and guided me home- couldn't find my group after but oh well! 

Thursday's training was an interesting one. We ran a route my coaches call "the tough love route"...and tough love is probably the ONLY way to describe it! My quads are so sore from Wednesday's run, so the run was even more difficult. The lactic acid is real- and it's intense. We also had our discussion on Thursday, where the coaches impart so much wisdom on us! We talked running shoes and basically what I took from it is I need another pair- which, sounds worse than it is. So I bought another pair of very light New Balance shoes and hoping they will make hill training and tempo runs a little bit easier! Check them out below! I'm still looking at getting another pair of runners because, well, why not?! Brooks Glycerine 13- I'm coming for you!!!!!

While running those silly hills on tough love I was reminded of THIS saying! One day, I will be able to talk while running those damn hills- One. Damn. Day. 

My Sunday morning run was a real treat. Saturday night was my friend's mini Bachelorette party. We went out for a wonderful, butter filled French dinner for Summerlicious (Biff's Bistro- was delicious but so not diet friendly) and then for drinks at a pub. I knew I had to watch what I was drinking and how much I was drinking because of my Sunday morning run. Other than getting home late and wearing shoes that gave me blood blisters, I was totally fine for running (luckily for me). The night was a good time and we're getting ready for her Bachelorette part 2 in August!