The mental game

This week has been a game of mental sorts. 

You know that feeling when everything around you is really heavy and feels like a tone of bricks on your head? That's how I felt at work- everything was coming down on me. Many things had nothing to do with work, but it all came crashing down. 

So, before I go any further I need to thank 3 people who were there to help me through in the tough moments- Kristen, Angie and Tracy, you 3 made the difference through all of it. Just listening to me rant about whatever I was feeling made me feel so much better. Thank you. 

The other part that got me through was thinking about my runs- specially my Thursday night run. I knew it was a steady 4k run and I was fully capable of that- easily. It was a part of the day I was looking forward to. I could fully remove myself from the stress of everything else. My Thursday afternoon luckily turned around with a bit of booster juice and a nice walk through liberty village (there may have been a few tears shed as well). 

My day ended, I got changed for my run and off I went! I felt this sense of belonging the moment I walked into the running room. I don't really know why since I've only been to the high park store a hand full of times. There's something about being around other runners that brings a sense of calm to me. We proceeded with the regular chat and got into the run. These people know nothing about me or what happened during my day. It makes it easy to put it aside. 

When I started running, I was pretty pumped for my first real run through High Park. And the idea of a steady run made me even more excited. All I wanted was to move my legs and put all the stress of the day onto them and have it push me forward. I didn't wear my watch or worry about tracking- I just wanted to run off the days worries. 

What I realized during that run is that running takes my mind off of everything else happening. For that short time I'm running, I'm disconnected from the world, I'm focusing entirely on moving my legs and body forward and not thinking about anything else. I was totally removed from everything bothering me all day and just ran. I also ran mostly on my own, which I normally do, but was strange since I was in a group. It was also exactly what I needed in that moment. I was disconnected from technology and the world around me. I pushed myself up and over hills and just kept going. 

At the end of it all, I also realized it was time to move to a faster pace group! Yikes!!! This is both a positive and negative in my books. I'm getting faster which is awesome, but I'm getting faster which is terrifying. Either way, now I'm training to run a half marathon in 2 hours and 20 minutes...which would be a total miracle considering my 15k time! 

As a side note and somewhat unrelated, I came across this photo today and realized it's basically my life these days! I've realized I don't particularly have time to date these days and I'm committing to my training. My Wednesday's, Thursday's and Sunday mornings are totally gone and not one bit of me is disaappointed. Yes it means my summer is a bit less fun, with less alcohol and maybe a bit less time spent with friends but on October 18th when I've got a half marathon medal around my neck I really won't remember that. I'm sure all I'll be thinking about is what the next half marathon is I want to run...so gentleman take note, wanna date me? I hope you like running half marathons! 😉

The Training Has Begun!

Well, tonight was the big night! The training for the Scotiabank Half Marathon has begun! Which is quite funny because I was also officially registered today. I guess this means I have to do it now...

I've started training with the High Park Running Room, which is great but terrifying. Have you seen the hills in High Park?! Also the number of people who run from High Park is insane- 60 people in the half marathon clinic! I didn't even know 60 people ran. Seriously. 

So we've been divided into our pace groups and obviously I picked the slowest group. Which I found out is also the most fun. The coach brought a water gun to the last half marathon and sprayed people in the last 1k to make them run faster- so perfect. My kind of people. 

What I've realized since the Nike run and now is three things:

1) I need some major motivation with quotes and things. So far I've bought a phone case, a necklace with distances and in considering getting a running tattoo.

2) I seriously miss running when I don't do it. And I don't need to train for things but I need to run. It's interesting how quickly it becomes a part of your life. 

3) I only run to get a medal in the end. Seriously. There is little point to me otherwise! 

Remember how I said I had to bribe myself to finish the 15k with new shoes? Well here they are! They went out for their first 3.5k tonight. They are much lighter than my other shoes and definitely have more cushion. 

A little reminder that if I believe it, I can do it. I've proven that to myself already- why would this be any different? 

A rainy 15k run

On Sunday June 14th, I completed the Nike Women's 15k. 

This run was a pretty big deal. Nike made a huge deal out of it, there was so much hype around it, they were giving out Tiffany's necklaces as the medal...it was really well prepared and put together. It was also the first in Toronto, which made it that much more exciting. So, besides this run being a big deal for the running community it was a big deal for me personally. This was the longest distance I've ever run and a big stepping stone into the half marathon world. It was my introduction into running with water and electrolytes, my first time running with gummies and my first exciting course run!

Typically the night before a run I don't sleep, like at all. I get too nervous and excited and I can't sleep. I'm not sure why, but I was able to sleep a bit more the night before this race. Either I'm getting used to racing or I was just really tired. So I woke up with a bit more energy, grabbed a bagel at Tim Horton's and off I went with my buddy Angie Gardiner (aka. My officially running groupie). 

My race morning didn't go off perfectly as planned- I lost my wave number which put me back 2 waves...which in retrospect was probably a blessing in disguise. Basically this meant we got to the island WAY earlier than necessary and hung out and waited for hours. Needless to say, I found my wave 5 bracelet at the end of the day stuck to my shoe.

Now, I want to say I went out raring, quickly and ready for it but I really wasn't sure what to expect. The route was overly crowded- extremely crowded (10,000 people is a lot on a small island). There was no break in runners until about the 6k mark...so just after the airport- which easily was the highlight of the entire race. Running next to landing air planes, on the Tarmac of an airport I use in the greatest city was an experience like no other. And the view was breathtaking (see below for a picture I got while running!)

So the actual run- I was really impressed with myself. I managed to run about 11k without stopping. Do you all know what means?! My wall has been pushed back! So, at the 11k mark I hate to say this but I almost gave up. I had enough and was bribing myself to keep running. I literally promised myself new running shoes if I finished the race- running shoes I was going to buy anyways! (I bought them...)


Here's the I need to pick a bone...Mother Nature. What was the reason for the rain? Did you really want to test everyone's strength and endurance? Well you did- and I'm pretty sure we showed you what to do with the shitty weather you gave us. People were telling me all about how great it is to train in this weather- which I believe- except it sucked. Being cold, wet, soggy and moist (you're welcome Stephen) was easily the worst part of the entire day.

Ok, back to the race. Once I realized I was back where I started on the course I quite literally gunned it. I'm not sure where the strength or energy came from but I saw the finish line sign and I have never run so fast. Knowing the end was right there was the last push I needed. So I crossed that finish line- basically crying, screaming and ready for water. I got through all the lines, smushed my apple on the ground (by accident and I was about miserable it too) and off I went in search of my Tiffany's necklace and my groupie! 

Needless to say- it took roughly 2 hours to get off the island. Which was not the best ending to the race, but all I could think about was food, warmth and a shower. 

I need to give credit where credit to a big group of people... 

1) To the pace bunny who saw me walking, tapped me on the shoulder and said "come on, you're almost there! Keep it up!" Thank you- that push was perfect. 

2) To the Nike staff handing out high fives like candy- that single high five pushed me another kilometer! 

3) To the island residents at the 13k mark who reminded me I was almost there- you are truly amazing 

4) To the 14k sign blowing in the wind and rain- thank you for showing me how close the end was 

5) To my most special friend and running groupie Angie Gardiner- knowing your face was at the end was the last push. And then seeing your face made me book it so I knew I was done! 

6) To my amazing friends and family sending me Facebook messages and texts the entire race- although I didn't read them while running (for obvious reasons I hope), the ding of my phone told me you were thinking of me and pushing me through it. 

Having taken a bit of time to reflect on this race, I want to say I'm proud of myself. I accomplished something I never thought I could accomplish. Who ever thought I would be running 15k races? No one probably. But I'm also disappointed. I wanted that time. Could I have pushed myself a little more- oh definitely. Could I have not walked? Most likely. Could I improve for next time? Absolutely! But what kind of runner would I be if I was solely proud of this accomplishment? How would I learn from it and make myself better for next time? 

And so the journey continues...this is a bit of a break week for me- my half marathon training programs starts up June 25th! I've got new running shoes, new socks and hopefully some refreshed legs!


Check out some photos from the race! 

Way too early- ready to go!

Training buddy!

View of the city from the Billy Bishop Tarmac!

I DID IT!

Finally on the boat, getting off the island...just 2 hours later...

My times

The route!

Nike Women's 15km!

For some crazy reason I decided to register for a 15km race, while in the process of training for a 10km race. I knew I wanted to run the half marathon in October and needed a way to keep pushing myself, so a 15km race seemed like it made the most sense.

Practically speaking it does if I want to build up to a half marathon. Work from a 5km to a 10km to a 15km to a half marathon. Well that would be practical for someone who wasn't lazy and had some kind of discipline (so anyone but me). 

In my training for this 15km run I've experienced quite a few feelings I was unfamiliar with in the past. Like needing to use the washroom mid run, like stopping to buy water because I may collapse otherwise, feeling as though I wanted to vomit mid run (that's by far the scariest and worst), knowing that running with music no longer helps me but running with people does, getting my breathing under control in the first km sets me up for a successful run, I need to eat before running...the list goes on. 

The most important thing I've learned is that, this whole running thing may be hard (that's an understatement) but the accomplishment every Sunday after I've reached a new distance, or I've set a new PR is what make its all worth it. 

My training for this 15km run has been halted by so many things- most of which is my laziness and lack of discipline- but deep down I know I'm going to do it and I'm going to be so proud when I do. I may not reach my goal time, I may not finish strong but I will finish it. 

And the first thing that will happen in reflecting will be the ways I could've run it faster, where I slipped up, why I took a walk break when I easily could've pushed past...

But will that matter when I've got that medal around me neck? Probably not...

Completed my first solo Sunday run! Had to get a picture of my shocked and proud face! 13 lonely, solid, completed kilometres! 

The 15k is this Sunday June 14th! Wish me luck!!!!

These are my confessions...

Before we really get into this, there are a few things you should all know...

1) I am easily the laziest and least disciplined runner I can possibly be. I almost called this blog "the lazy runner". I will cut every corner I can, I will slow down to get a break at lights just because, I will "skip" a run because of stupid reasons...I am absolutely the laziest runner I could be.

2) I hate the lead up to running. It's the worst. The idea of having to pull on tight pants and a tight shirt and a bra that supposedly holds the girls in tight, and tie running shoes and pack my little pouch thing...it's dreadful. Typing it out is making me hate it even more. If someone did all of this for me, I would enjoy running so much more.

3) I hate the physical process of running. It's so tedious and my body is like "what are you doing to me and for what reason?". But I equally love it. When I haven't done it for a while my body is like "Why haven't you put your feet in front of the other quickly in such a long time?"

4) I have total runners envy. I'm jealous of everyone who can run faster than me (and I really don't run fast at all). I'm jealous of how other runners look compared to me. If I'm not running I'm jealous of whoever I see running. If I am running I'm jealous of a runner going faster than me, or of someone running with someone. If there's a reason to be jealous of a runner- I feel it.

5) The only real satisfaction I get from running is the end of it. When I look at my route map, or have that medal around my neck is the only reason I run.

6) I'm encouraged to run by constantly having new running things. I will literally buy anything that has to do with running because it keeps me motivated. If anyone has any recommendations for a new purchase I'm all ears.

7) I am not a morning runner, but for the rest of my life I will attempt to be. The idea of waking up earlier than I need to makes me more tired.

8) I hate hill training, speed training and long runs. The idea of running being even harder than it needs to be is dreadful. Utterly dreadful.

9) I'm the absolute WORST for stretching (consider this warning for many complaints ahead). But I am going to use this as a commitment to stretch more. But, my foam roller and weird wiggly ball thing and spiky red tennis ball will always be my best friends after a run.

10) The friends I've made, although a tiny group, are a major support system and a major source of encouragement for me. I'm excited to make more friends at the High Park running room. 

11) I love running quotes. I have an entire pinterest board dedicated to them. They keep me motivated.

12) I need to start this one out by saying that I appreciate everyone, but I can't stand when people tell me I'm an inspiration. I can appreciate the sentiment, but I am the least inspirational runner out there (lazy, remember). I don't feel inspirational, especially when I haven't run in awhile or I'm having weak runs, and especially if I skip a run while training for a big race. That is not inspiring, that is Natalie being lazy. It's also a lot to carry on my already exhausted (from running) legs. I love hearing how proud people are of me but I want us to all to be inspired by each other!

13) I will literally soak up any running knowledge I can, because I know so little about it. I have purchased more books than I can read, have a stack of magazines that just grows each month and I can't get enough. SHARE YOUR KNOWLEDGE WITH ME!

14) I'm absolutely terrified to run a half marathon. Scared out of my mind for the time commitment, the actual process, that I'm not good enough, that I won't finish it, that I'll get injured. You name it, I'm scared of it. 

15) My running wall is hit at the 7.5km mark. It's the worst feeling to push past that point and takes more mental strength than I ever knew I had. My wall doesn't seem to want to push any further which makes running a real challenge. It also makes running beyond 7.5km a real challenge on my own. 

The start of (half) a journey

I want to apologize before you go any further- I wasn't anticipating such a long journey to a half but I guess a lot happens in a year.

My entire journey to this point started after I lost myself. Physically I was there, but mentally I wasn't me. Without going into great detail, I lost myself in someone else and was on a journey to find myself! I made a decision that it was time to go back to the gym- it was time to take care of Natalie- and for anyone who knows me well, knows that was not one of my strong suits at that point in my life. I decided to start going to the gym and knew I needed a personal trainer, so one day, I walked into the West End YMCA (where I had been a member for a year and had gone maybe twice) and just made the decision to get a trainer. Little did I know that she would change my life (which we wont get started on...).

So, I was hitting a point in my training where I was really sick and tired of cardio. I was really enjoying classes and weight training but cardio was becoming so tedious. I was trying every way I could to cut it short, or making excuses to not do it. I've always thought about running and always envied and admired people who could do it. It was interesting timing too- a girl I would regularly do a class with was talking about weight loss and said she lost 100lbs simply by running- on the treadmill no less. So that was my encouragement to start. I wanted to lose weight (not 100lbs but who wouldn't be encouraged by something like that!).

I started talking to my trainer about it- I had no idea where to begin. Luckily she had attempted to run once in her life (she admits it- she HATES running) and shared her learn to run program with me. I decided to give it a shot on the treadmill and followed the plan she gave me almost perfectly. No reason to get injured when I don't even know what I'm doing. So, I went out and bought my first pair of real running shoes that I was using to train and race in...and I trained for that 5k, let me tell you.

I ran what they call 'Fun Runs'- Color Me Rad, almost exactly 1 year ago to this day and was immediately hooked on racing. I ran and volunteers threw coloured corn starch at me while I wore a tutu running away from them. As I type this I realize how ridiculous it all sounds, but it changed my life. I have no idea what my time was on that race- all I know is that I ran the entire thing without stopping, I had "RAD" tattooed in sunburn on my arm (I was in a wedding a few weeks later, so this became a new challenge) and I felt amazing at the end of the run...and I wanted to do it again, but for time. I did some major research about running more seriously at that point (very much in secret) and discovered a lot of things- the biggest of which was that my shoes sucked for the type of running I was doing, and were far too small if I wanted to keep my toe nails forever.

I almost immediately started to consider what I would do next. Another 5km obviously, because seriously, I could never run anything more than a 5km. So I registered for the Scotiabank 5km run through work. It was the perfect set up- I knew I could run 5km, I could raise money for work and I had coworkers with me who wanted to do the same thing, plus I figured if my time was terrible I could disguise it with my fundraising efforts. So I did it- and I was pretty happy with my accomplishment at the end of it. I ran the entire race dressed as a sharpie, my coworker as a piece of paper- we won nothing except the smiles of our cheering stage. I finished the race, and went back to the finish line to watch the guy I was dating at the time cross the marathon finish line. Standing there waiting for him, seeing smiling faces cross the finish line made me want more for myself.

So this guy I was seeing- the relationship didn't last long but what has lasted is the push he gave me to keep running. He was the first person I ran more than 5km with, and it was his encouragement that pushed me to keep going. So I made the decision to run a 10km- but I had no idea how I would do it. The only thing I knew was that the running room was where I needed to go and I did.

I quickly registered for a 10km training program. I ran with the Liberty Village running room and trained for the Yonge Street 10km. I had no idea what kind of time commitment it would take, and it definitely was a time commitment. I also discovered the dreaded hill training, speed training and my least favourite of all, the long Sunday morning run. I also discovered friendships, life changing experiences, running quotes, knowledge about winter running (thank you to everyone who shovels and salts their sidewalks) and a drive to push through. I set a goal of completing the 10km in less than an hour and 10 minutes. I completed it in far less than that, but there were many glitches along the way (which I now attribute to it increasing my time)- vacations, illnesses, dehydration, another break up...but I did it in 1 hour and 4 minutes and 20 seconds. So what else did I do in the middle of this training...well of course I registered for a 15km race (it's coming up soon! We'll talk about it later).

So, this (extremely long- probably unnecessarily) post brings us to today and the reason I've decided to start this blog. I have decided to run a half marathon. And part of me is saying, why are you blogging about this? People run half marathons everyday- people run MARATHON'S everyday...there are monks who run 2 marathons a day over a 10 day period (the things I have learned over this journey)...but, the the other part of me is saying that the people who I beg for money will want to hear about my journey to get to this point. Hell- I want a record of this journey, to remind myself that I did it.

Over the next few weeks my fundraising page will go up and you will see my shining face featured as one of the champions (at which point you should hit the button that says "DONATE HERE"). This blog will feature all of my wonderful training highs, lows, hits, misses, jokes and anything else I think you may want to hear about.

So get ready- I hope you're as excited as I am about embarking on this exciting (and terrifying) (half) journey to 21.1km!